You're only as tall as your heart will let you be,

I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much I miss you right about now. Actually, I’ve missed you since I gave you that last hug on Friday. I’m so used to being with you almost everyday of my life, now I’m going this long? I don’t think I can do it. I know you keep telling me I’m where I need to be, and yes.. I am having a good time, but I still would’ve liked to have spent at least some of my spring break with you lovely. Every thingk reminds me of you. Every song we listen to in the car makes me think of you, every single time we pass a car that looks like yours I get really excited, every time we go somewhere and eat I think, oh man, michael would really like this place. :( I just.. I don’t know. I don’t ever want to have to go this long without seeing you again for a long, long, long time. Even though I know sooner or later, I’m going to be telling you by for college.. I don’t want to think about that right now though. All I want to think about is coming home and getting to see you. You’ll never know how excited I am to get to see you again. This is just.. tooo far away.

But I still love you with all my heart, anb\nd you better get ready.. as soon as my butt gets home, you’re getting the biggest/best hug in the entire would! :)

I love you Michael, and I miss you like crazy.

I’ll see you soon.

I’ve started writing you these every night. I don’t know why either. I need to make a blog of just these that way there won’t be anything else on there except for these posts that are about/to you. <3

I’ve gotta say today has been a pretty good day. I don’t think I’ve had this good of a day at school in forever. All I could do every single time I seen you is smile. I don’t know why either. It’s just been one of those I realize how truly lucky and blessed I am to have you. I’m glad you didn’t care how nasty I looked after track practice today. Because I was all sweaty and nasty and yucky, but you didn’t seem to care. Actually, you picking me up from track today made me really happy for some reason and I don’t know why either. You know what my favorite part about school is? Walking down the hallway holding your hand, or your arm around me, and mine around you. Mainly because every damn person in the school knows you’re mine that way. :p lol. And getting notes from you makes me so dang happy. 

Have you noticed how close we are all the time now? Like when we set on the couch we used to set a pretty good distance apart, but now we don’t care? Or when we go places we’re walking as close as we possibly can? And how every time we get a chance to be alone without Mom or Dad we kiss? :) Yeah, it makes me pretty happy also.

I think what I’m trying to get at here is EVERY SINGLE THING you do or we do together makes me really happy. I hope you know that. I’m sure you have because all I do is smile when I’m with you. :)

I was listening to this song and it said, ‘But I’m holding you closer than most, ‘cause you are my Heaven.’ <3

But I just wanted to tell you how happy you make me and that I love you with all my heart Michael. And I ALWAYS will. No matter what. Because, there is no I could live a day of my life without you. Just like Winnie the Pooh says, “If you lived to be 100, I hope to live to be 100  minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.”

Nights like tonight make me want to pack up all my things, go get Michael, and go as far away as possible from this town, and just stay there with him for the rest of my life. This has been one of the longest nights I’ve had in a while. Well, I take that back, one of the longest days I’ve had in a while. Yes, I got to see him for a little while, and I’m so thankful I did, but today was just one of those days where I never want to have to tell him bye. Technically every time I have to tell him bye it is one of those days, but today was absolutely terrible. I don’t understand why he ever has to leave. I mean, I get that he has to go home, I just don’t want him to. And every single time I have to tell him bye, it makes me think of when I’m going to have to tell him bye when he leaves for college. I don’t know why that is all I think about anymore. I think it’s because I don’t want him to leave at all. I just want to tell him to stay here with me, but I can’t do that. He has to go, I know he does. No matter how much I want him to stay here. This is just a part of life we’re going to have to overcome, and wait for it to pass. I know for a fact we can get through this, it is just going to be really hard. I try not to let myself think about, (Which isn’t working anymore). Whenever I think about it, I just try and think about the day that I get to marry that boy. No one will ever know how excited I am for that. I just can not wait to say, ‘I Do’ to the person who has every little bit of my heart. Or the day we move in together. Being able to spend the whole day with him then not having to say good night, we love each other over a text? and being able to tell each other in person, all cuddled up beside each other in OUR bed, in OUR house, living OUR wonderful life. Thinking about it right now makes my heart beat so damn fast.  And when all the things we talk about doing together actually happen. Like having weasels and cats, and even having our first kid together. <3 No one, and I mean NO ONE will ever know how much I love Michael. I don’t think he even knows how much I love him. But I do know that I plan on spending every day until I die showing and telling him how much I really do love him. The greatest feeling in the entire world is knowing that someone loves you. A lot people never know what that feels like, but with Michael I know he loves me. That’s the one thing assuring me that everything will be okay when he leaves for college. I know we’ll get through it, and once we do and I graduate from college, how happy we’ll be together, spending the rest of our lives with each other. 

And I really hope he knows that I wont EVER give up on us.

I really don’t know what I’m going to do when Michael goes of to college this summer. He hasn’t even graduated yet, but the thought of him leaving is already breaking my heart. I’m so used to being able to call him after school and telling him to come over. Especially after really long days. He always knows exactly how to  make them better. The fact that he won’t be at school with me next year makes me never want to go back to that place again. Michael is the only person that helps me through the day there. I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m going to miss everything about him being at school so much. Like, walking down the hall way, holding his hand, complaining about how much we hate all the freshmen. His hugs at my locker before lunch. Our walks after fifth period, kissing him after school on the bridge, coming into school and opening locker and finding flowers, or just knowing that I’ll get to see him after classes. :( The thought of all of this is killing me. It isn’t just the school aspect that I’m going to miss. I’m going to miss seeing him after school. He’s here at least two or three times a week. And soon I’m going to have to go to seeing him every couple of months? I don’t think I can do it to tell you the truth. 

I probably sound really selfish, but he means so much to me and I can’t stand the thought of not being with him whenever I want. I’m so happy for him, this is what he wanted. And he has to go, I know that. And I want him to. I just don’t wanna miss him. :( 

I don’t know what to do anymore besides just enjoy the rest of this school year and the summer.. and cry. :( He’s my bestfriend and soon I won’t get to see him hardly any. :(

I do know one thing though, no matter how far away he is, I’m still going to love him with all my heart.. And I’m going to be right here waiting for him as soon as he gets to come back. <3

Michael,

   I was going to write you this on a piece of paper tonight, but I didn’t realize how long it was going to take me to halfway clean my room up. I don’t really know the point of this except to try to tell you how amazing these past five months have been.

   I don’t think there has been one time since we’ve started dating that I’ve been completely sad. I mean, yeah.. I’ve had my down weeks, but A LOT has happened in these five months. Even when all I could do is cry, you were still there calling me your hero and making me say ‘I can do this’. When I was crying you were always there for me no matter what, so that it impossible for me to be really sad, because deep down past all the sadness, I still was really happy because I knew how lucky I was to have you helping me get through everything.

   I went back and read all the notes you have given me today. Dear lord, Mom would have thought I was dumb if she had walked in my room and seen the big smile on my face. I don’t think you know how much your notes mean to me. The fact that you’ll take time out of whatever you’re doing in your class to write me back, even though all I have done is ramble on about the dumbest things, makes me so happy. Whenever I read them in English, Taylor and Stephanie always get so jealous because I have the sweetest boyfriend in the ENTIRE world. 

    Sometimes I wonder what I’ve done to deserve someone as great as you. Actually, I think about it ALL the time. I really hope one day I will know what in the world I did to be lucky enough to have you in my life. Even if I don’t ever know, I’m not going to worry about it, because I know there is some reason I’m lucky enough, and I’m not gonna question fate. 

   Have you noticed how much you’ve done for me these past five months? Probably not, because you always say, ‘Ah, it’s nothing’ or ‘Nikki, it’s the least I can do’. There’s a HUGE problem with that.. It isn’t nothing, it’s everything. It all means so much to me. I’m still not used to having a boyfriend do this kind of stuff for me. 

   Do you remember today in the hall when you got down to get my stuff and just stayed on one knee? You said you were practicing? Well, you don’t even know how fast my heart started beating and how crazy the butterflies in my stomach went. Dear lord. It made me even more excited to spend forever with you. <3

   Oh my, the other day when you brought me those flowers and that umbrella.. Michael, that was the cutest thing in this world. I couldn’t stop smiling the whole ride home. It made me think about how blessed I truly am to have someone as great as you in my life.

   Here lately all I’ve been thinking about is all of OUR memories. There are so many of them. But there isn’t a single one of them I don’t love. I’d have to say though, hugging you underneath stars is pretty damn amazing. Mainly because I love the stars, and I love you. 

  I don’t know why I wrote you this, but I did. So, thank you for everything you’ve done for me, but mostly thank you for being my bestfuckingfriend. You’re the absolute best and I couldn’t be luckier. I love you Michael.. Oh yeah, :P Thank you for making these past five months the greatest, most wonderful months of my life. <3

‘A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather, I was praying that you and me might end up together.’

^ I love this, that is why it’s the title of this too by the way..

Anyways, I LOVE YOU.. and I’m really excited to spend the rest of my life with you Michael.

Hey, do you know how much I love you? :)

If it’s HALF as much as I love you, then it’s a whole bunch <3.

It’s ten times more than you’ll ever love me bro. :P

Schyeah right newb, keep dreamin’.

Bleghk, you look so tired.. :(

Yeah, homework does that to me, lol. Which is why I play video games instead of doing it ;) lol.

You didn’t have to do it. :(

You know I wanted to help you, I know how hard it’s going to be to present it for you.. but I know you can do it.

I really can’t do it Michael, IM GOING TO DIE!

You can do it, I believe in you Hero. Okay? You, can, do, it.

NO, NO, NO, NO, AND HELL NO.

YES :O I only made it so easy so you’ll have an easier time presenting it, I know you can do it. You just have to stare at the wall and read. Pretend everyone behind you isn’t even there… Am I gonna have to go put 25 pictures of me in that presentation?

Can’t you just kick the 25 kids in there out? :(

I know you can do this darling.. You have no choice :/ I know it sucks, but it’s just one of those things you have to get used to before long. Like driving.+

Ayee, I’m getting better at driving darlingggg.